Enneagram Pairing Type 1 & 1
1 - The Moralist
Quality Control Specialist, Reformer, Perfectionist, Judge, Administrator, Rule Keeper, Crusader
1 - The Moralist
Quality Control Specialist, Reformer, Perfectionist, Judge, Administrator, Rule Keeper, Crusader
Both of you are the same type and will be focused on truthfulness, keeping agreements, fairness, schedules, consistency, and treating each other with respect and dignity. You will often both think you have the right answer but will come to different conclusions. In your interactions with each other, you always strive to be objective, reasonable, fair and truthful. You have both have high standards, a commitment to practicality and courageously stand up for your convictions.
You both are known for creating an atmosphere of clarity and precision that feels clean, rather than one that filled with unspoken ulterior motives or overly sentimental. You both are great with organization, keeping things on track, completing all the little details and making sure goals are met with high standards intact.
Ones have incredibly strong values and endeavor to always be clear, moral, and upstanding. Respect, strength of character, and dignity are paramount to the One value system. Ones typically have strong convictions and the courage to stand up for them. They value duty, functionality, clarity, precision, and morality.
How You Complement Each Other
These two will have a similar, albeit slightly stilted, way of relating. Ones are known for creating clear, precise atmospheres and do not pay much mind to indulgences like sentimentalities, ulterior motives, recreation, or excessive socializing.
These two will likely see eye to eye when it comes to issues like time management, rules, honest communication, and cleanliness. They can easily develop a synchronous rhythm with one another, like soldiers marching or chefs in a well-managed kitchen. They will share high standards, even if the standards themselves are not the same, including the high bar they set for others regarding their strength, upstandingness, and respectability.
In a One’s mind, there are two clear groups: traits and behaviors they deem respectable, and traits and behaviors they don’t. These two will know exactly where they stand for one another, and will likely be unafraid of expressing it. They will share a love of discussion, and will likely argue their points with passion and verve, but will have little tolerance for excessive disagreement. This can mean their connection remains cordial, but distant, or close but avoidant of certain subjects or lines of inquiry.
You both understand hard work, have high standards and constantly strive for improvement. Recreation, vacation and socializing may all be considered indulgences, and will only be given energy and attention after what you both consider to be the more important matters have been taken care of. Both of you have likely felt like the adult in most situations throughout your life, and together you have highly competent and rational approach to solving the problems of work and life.
How You Can Get Into Trouble
Ones are driven by a strong sense of right and wrong, self-restraint and a sense of responsibility for everything in your world, including the quality of your relationship with each other. Together they can foster an atmosphere that is overly formal, made more so by their stubborn reluctance to say or do anything that either considers undignified or inappropriate (which could be a very long list). Ones have little tolerance for sloppiness, error, or any perception of childish behavior, we can poison their ability to warmly relate to others, including each other.
While they will both believe they know 'the right way' and have the appropriate standard for 'correct', their individual ideals and standards may differ greatly, causing painful conflict in the relationship. They can get into a cycle where each are correcting the other's mistakes according to their own standards and ideals without considering the perspectives and needs of the other person. This breeds resentment, disconnection, and distrust.
As part of the Gut triad, Ones are susceptible to anger, however they often express it in covert, undercut ways: passive aggressive comments, perfectionist nitpicking, condescension, sarcasm, and biting criticism. Stored up anger can sometimes burst forth as fury or seething coldness, and if the recipient is caught off guard, the venom and strength of the seemingly irrational outburst can be too extreme to handle. Ones are easily frustrated by their own mistakes as well as the shortcomings of others, and are typically not afraid to voice their displeasure.
This can create tension, drama, and malcontent between these two, as both will try and assert their superiority over the other. When at odds, both Ones will stick to their guns, believing they and only they could possibly be right; there will be little tolerance for difference or another person's subjective experience.
Additionally, these two will have a tendency to bond with each other by condescendingly looking down on others' errors and ignorance. They need to be careful that together they don't embark on moral inquisitions against those they believe are wrong or incorrect, including each other. As both parties will likely find few people who actually manage to measure up to their high standards, they can each suffer from feelings of isolation and resentment. These feelings catalyze a downward spiral, especially when compounded by the others' mirrored experience, and these two can wind up feeing totally withdrawn and disconnect from what they perceive to be a cold, spineless, incompetent world.
What Each Type Needs To Be Aware Of
All Ones are at their best when there is order and organization, so it will be important to remain mindful of how to ensure a well-maintained, high-functioning structure exists, in both work and personal relationships. This will ensure good productivity, but it will also enable Ones to be more forthcoming and relaxed in their interactions. Ones should also be aware of their tendency to pay too much attention to minor details. They can make a habit of correcting others, rigidly asserting their opinions, or demanding too much.
Along the same lines, once a plan is hatched, it can be hard for Ones to veer off course or be flexible in the face of changes. This can lead to confusion, upset, and extra, unnecessary steps. Furthermore, this lack of flexibility and hyperfocus on details can cause Ones to view all people as a perpetual self-improvement project, and in relationship to one another, this can feel like torture.
It will be important these two monitor their behavior, hidden anger, and extreme perfectionism when engaging one another. If they hold too tightly to their positions, it will inevitably lead to disengagement, alienation, and intolerance.
Bear in mind that underneath the One’s extreme need for order is a fear that when things fall apart, they will perish, so they assert their strong morals on not only themselves, but everyone around them. If at all possible, these two should adopt compassion for one another, as no one can understand the bitter disappointment, fear, and desire to make the world good and perfect like another One.
How You Can Support One Another
Ones will always benefit from intentionally seeing ways to add more fun and lightness into their lives, relationships, and communities, although they rarely have an easy time of it, as they both tend to suppress their needs and desires. When relating to one another, the most supportive thing these two can do is to remember not to be too hard on one another, and make a pact to go out and experience some of life’s bounty. If this is a harmonious relationship, these two could really benefit from relaxing and enjoying themselves with a like-minded person.
An excellent way of demonstrating support to another Ones is to vocally praise one another, focusing on the positives. This will help assuage Ones’ loud inner-critic, bring light and levity into the relationship, and ensure success for the future. In general, these two should aim to be sources of reliability, goodness, and enjoyment for one another as much as possible, especially considering the amount of stress almost all Ones put themselves through just living with themselves.
If these two find themselves planning something together—a project, vacation, presentation, etc.—they will do best to join forces equally, or else stay totally separate in their own lanes, lest one person lord their ideals over the other.
Generally, Ones will be most supported if they do the work necessary to become more tolerant, accepting, and appreciative of standards that are different from their own. Curiosity and compassion will go a long way in supporting a One’s incessant inner critic to calm down, and there will be the added benefit of being more approachable and enjoyable to other people.
In A Romantic Context
This is a romance marked by its fairness, truthfulness, consistency, dignity, and ability to show up with integrity. They will be attracted to one another’s ability to remain fair, truthful, and objective in all their dealings. There will also likely be a high deal of intellectual accord. Their interactions will be reasoned, clear, and never overly sentimental or messy.
Ones typically also possess strong character, ideals, and wisdom, which are traits they highly value in others, and will therefore be attracted to in one another. Indeed, a One would never date someone in whom they did not have a high degree of respect, or whom they believed did not possess a sterling character. These two will likely place their work, responsibilities, and familial or professional duties first, meaning quality time, pleasure, and leisure are rarely ever prioritized.
This results in a very competent, responsible pairing, however they can suffer from their self-imposed rigidity. This rigidity shows up in other areas of a One’s life, not only how they fill their time. Namely, Ones can become intolerant of sloppiness, informality, unpredicted changes, and any sort of childish behavior. They also have a strong internal sense of right and wrong—a sense that rules their decision making most of the time.
The combination of One’s perfectionism and belief that they are always right can result in a high degree of tension between these two. Both will be painfully aware of the others’ shortcomings. A One in stress speaks to others with a noticeable amount of condescension, sarcasm, and stilted formality. These two can easily fall into a volley of rude, visibly irritated, hurtful comments, and this back and forth will inevitably explode. The explosion will usually look like an airing of dirty laundry, so to speak, wherein each party gives voice to their long-held grievances, the list of “wrongs” that they’ve been holding onto until a moment just a like this one.
Because Ones tend to be just as harsh on others as they are on themselves, the barbs from their partner will sting extra hot. They will use them as ammunition to self-deprecate, triggering a negative spiral of shame, guilt, and criticism. Furthermore, Ones are susceptible to dating “projects” as opposed to people, wherein they view their partner as a perpetual, unfinished version of what they could (read: should) actually be.
These two can unconsciously be in cahoots about their flaws and habit of “fixing,” wherein the critical remarks are actually received as sharp nudges to become an even more perfect version of themselves. In this case, these two develop an exclusionary outlook about the rest of the world: they alone are elevated by their superiority above the masses.
Two Ones can live in a cold, unforgiving world wherein neither person can even really tolerate the other, but at least they understand each other, unlike the rest of the messy, immoral, un-perfect world. Distant, cold, and intense fear of failure, but unable to admit their part, these two might suffer silently, believing they are accepting the lesser of two evils.