Enneagram Pairing Type 1 & 2
1 - The Moralist
Quality Control Specialist, Reformer, Perfectionist, Judge, Administrator, Rule Keeper, Crusader
2 - The Nurturing Advisor
Helper, Giver, Caretaker Nurturer, Advisor, Altruist, Good Samaritan
Ones and Twos are both compliant types. They feel they must earn what they want in life — Ones through hard, diligent, purposeful work and Twos through the support of others. While Ones want to be right, Twos want to be liked. Ones are moral, upstanding, diligent, consistent, and can tend toward perfectionism. Twos are warm, kind-hearted people with a tendency to put others before themselves.
Together you bond over high ideals, strong ethical standards, pragmatism and the desire to serve others. Both Ones and Twos are committed, dedicated friends, sensible and goal-oriented, and desirous of a better world. Ones and Twos tend to take their values and morality very seriously, even if their standards may differ.
How You Complement Each Other
Ones and Twos are a complementary pairing since both are dutiful, diligent, take on a lot of responsibility, and are attracted to service roles and occupations, such as teaching and health care. Twos bring an emphasis on emotionality and a spirit of joyfulness that can enable the typically more reserved and rigid Ones to soften and relax. Twos’ welcoming energy warms up the Ones, which they find satisfying and relieving.
Ones will likely appreciate Twos’ helpfulness, attention to the quality of their relationship, liveliness, and adaptability. To the relationship, Ones bring integrity, conscientiousness, responsibility, and consistency. They are steady, reliable, and truthful.
They can serve as excellent confidantes, and will likely provide a feeling of trustworthy steadfastness for the mutable Two. Additionally, because of Ones’ emphasis on character and quality over personality or quantity, Twos will likely feel appreciated and valued on a deep level by their One counterparts. Twos will appreciate Ones’ commitment to improvement, self-control, self-reliance, adherence to their own standards, consistency, and practicality.
Ones and Twos can have different priorities in a given environment, with Ones focusing on orderliness, maintaining productivity, and meeting expectations while Twos are highly attuned to the emotional and relational needs of everyone around them, and tend to make sure everyone around them has what they need.
In relationships, Twos tend to focus their attention on other people (as opposed to themselves and their needs). They possess a remarkable willingness to take care of folks in need, no matter the circumstances. They are aware of suffering and aspire to selflessly give themselves to alleviate it wherever they can.
Conversely, Ones focus on areas of compatibility, integrity, and the deeper character of the people they interact with. They can be critical, but they can also inspire people to live by their highest ideals. Both Ones and Twos are dedicated to the betterment of the planet, and wish to see a more beautiful world.
How You Can Get Into Trouble
Twos' desire to create a warm, friendly, people-focused atmosphere could potentially bother Ones, as they may feel it detracts from getting their work done. Ones tend to avoid sentimentality, idle chit-chat, and unnecessary social engagements, while Two’s characteristic warmth, demeanor, and curiosity tend to invite an atmosphere where those sorts of things flourish, which could create tension.
One can easily become judgmental of Two’s frivolity and lightheadedness, while Two can perceive One as being too strict, harsh, mean, or critical. And, ironically, despite all of their skill and ability to tend to the needs of others, neither Ones nor Twos are very good at taking care of their own needs.
Ones hold themselves to impossibly high standards and often deny themselves pleasure and luxury in the name of duty or work. Twos, on the other hand, believe that in order to be accepted, they need to be needed, so they put all of their attention on serving and taking care of others. Only after everyone else has been attended to (which is rare) can a Two pay attention to their own, often very quiet, internal desires.
This can mean that this pair has an impossibly hard time asking for what they want from the other, and it will almost never come up. Indeed, to do so would be a sign of selfishness or character weakness. Furthermore, in an effort to be helpful, both Ones and Two can be overly generous with their advice.
For Ones, Two’s advice can easily be misconstrued as criticism; for Twos, One’s suggestions come across as unappreciative or diminutive. The combination of Twos’ emotionality, generosity, and tendency to dote coupled with Ones’ emotional restraint, inability to acknowledge the positive, and suppression of pleasure can mean that no matter how hard these two try, they continue to misunderstand, confuse, and hurt one another. There’s a sense of “missing the mark,” with one another, and a high chance that their ability to see one another clearly becomes clouded in judgment.
What Each Type Needs To Be Aware Of
Twos thrive on personal connection. Keeping in touch with them regularly and showing interest in their personal activities will satisfy their need for a personal relationship. Twos seek approval by doing helpful deeds and will continue to do so if they feel appreciated. Ones should make an effort to ensure that they do not take Twos’ support for granted, and let Twos know this by regularly sharing with them authentically appreciative feedback, otherwise they may become resentful.
Ones, by contrast, are not looking for approval, per se, but have a strong desire for order and perfection in the world around them, and they believe they hold the key to unlock said ideal level of reality. In Ones’ mind, they believe if the world (their partner, employees, boss, friends, children, etc.) would just listen to them and adhere to their rules, everything would be perfect without a doubt. Twos have an opportunity to provide a compassionate curiosity to help Ones uncover their real desires, while Ones can potentially influence Twos to stand up for themselves with a bit more courage and conviction.
Ones will benefit by becoming more aware of their disowned judgmental tendencies, negativity biases, inflexibility and suppression of pleasure and desire, whereas Twos will benefit by becoming more aware of the way they attend to the needs of others incessantly while ignoring their own. Twos can work on developing a sense of independence and self-worth that is not dependent on their ability to care for others, so that their giving is coming from a place of purity and clarity rather than a fear of disconnection.
How You Can Support One Another
Ones can most support Twos by acknowledging and appreciating their care, helpfulness, adaptability, and relatedness. Ones can take time to kick back and enjoy life, allowing themselves some pleasure and ease every once in a while. Twos can attend to their neediness, and also grow every more aware of their tendency to give unwanted advice.
Twos can acknowledge Ones for their devotion, practicality, consistency, and ability to be extremely self-reliant. Both types can grow aware of their inability to acknowledge or name their own needs and desires, as this can result in a lot of confusion and resentment if not properly addressed. They should endeavor to take time for themselves—not work, not each other, not co-workers, not kids—on a regular basis.
Ironically, spending time focusing on their own inner world can do a lot for the way each of these types relates to others. Ones can make sure they are not taking advantage of Two’s generosity—that is always acknowledged—and they do not put themselves in a “power over” dynamic with Two simply because Twos struggle to assert boundaries. Conversely, Twos can always endeavor to offer a kind, compassionate voice to One’s nigh-constant self-belittlement or critique.
In A Romantic Context
When the spark of attraction grabs a One/Two pair, they can feel a sense of increased purpose, mission, and value in the world. Typically, Ones and Twos tend to have a shared mission, and with each other by their side, they can tackle their goals and the obstacles standing in the way with even greater impact. These two bond over a sense of shared values, and often feel a sense of kindred spirit when visioning for the future. Their relationship is hallmarked by high ideals, clear ethical standards, service, and pragmatism. These two are grounded, principled, and devoted to a life of serving the greater good. In Ones, Twos have found a faithful, devoted partner who makes them feel secure.
Twos can relax in the feeling that they will not be abandoned. In Twos, Ones find a warm, nurturing partner that enables them to relax and feel safe: feelings One usually does not allow themself to feel. Twos possess the ability to warm One’s typically restrained exterior, which only helps the couple to bond further. If these two fall on times of trouble, however, they can grow distant and unkind and matters can become confusing. As neither Ones nor Twos are very adept at knowing their internal state, asking for what they need, or taking what they want with confidence, these two can fall into a mess of not knowing. Neither person is clear how they feel, what’s wrong, or what’s actually going on.
They can resort to manipulation and emotional abuse—a relationship pervaded by ulterior motives—as they try and get their partner to give them what they want, even though they are unaware of what exactly that is. Both parties feel something is missing, but feel that to ask for it directly would be selfish. And it would be difficult for Ones to acknowledge the reality that they have more human needs that they might have been ignoring. As things deteriorate, Ones can start to become critical of how much time their partner spends elsewhere—on another committee, helping another friend, serving on another board, etc.—and Twos can feel their partner doesn’t really love people as much as they say they love humanity. Starved for affection or attention, Twos can become more demanding of contact and praise, while Ones embitter themselves with ever more irritation and cynicism. Still unable to address their anger, these two will simply slowly, albeit seethingly, drift apart.