Enneagram Pairing Type 1 & 3
1 - The Moralist
Quality Control Specialist, Reformer, Perfectionist, Judge, Administrator, Rule Keeper, Crusader
3 - The Successful Achiever
Superstar, Producer, Performer, Motivator, Role Model, Ideal Exemplar, Best in Show
Ones are part of the Gut Triad, while Threes belong to the Heart Triad. Ones are conscientious, possess high standards and a commitment to excellence, and have a keen attention to detail. They can sometimes veer into criticism, judgment, and being overly perfectionistic.
Threes are positive, goal-oriented, efficient, and self-directed. They can fall into the trap of sacrificing quality for quantity, and tend to shape-shift to fit the people around them.
Ones and Threes both value merit, action, and becoming the best versions of themselves. They both prioritize goals, high standards, and excellence in their lives. They tend to be highly disciplined, have strong work habits, and the ability to put aside their personal feelings for the sake of progress or the objective good. They both value objectivity in the face of issues, straightforward communication, and people who follow through.
How You Complement Each Other
Ones and Threes are both compulsive, committed workers with lots of energy. This means they usually work well together, as they have similar standards and tend to ignore their personal needs in order to get the job done. Their combined focus, mastery, and dedication can produce enormous results, as long as they work well together.
Generally, Ones help Threes to be more grounded and realistic; Threes help Ones stretch themselves, bend the rules in the name of creativity, and relax their judgments. Both people are incredibly industrious, persistent, and efficient. They will likely also find they are both concerned with making a real difference in the world.
Ones appreciate Threes can-do attitude, positivity, competence, ability to achieve their goals, and efficiency. Threes appreciate Ones' conscientiousness, attention to ensuring correctness, integrity, high standards, and commitment to excellence and improvement. Because these two will likely be in lock step as regards expectations, standards, determination, and productivity, they will most likely come to trust and rely on one another.
Neither Ones or Threes are very good at letting other people take the lead, and often feel that if they want something done well (read: by their standards) they will have to do it themselves. It can come as a welcome relief when they learn that the other can be trusted to accomplish a job well done (read: by their standards). As a team, they will find that the combination of One's focus on the correct procedure coupled with Three's attention to attaining the right outcome produces excellent results.
How You Can Get Into Trouble
This combination, while powerful and very accomplished, can also be a brutal one. Almost no one can live up to the exacting standards of Ones or Threes, and when those standards are compounded by their relationship, the team work, growth, momentum, and energy that characterize this connection can become angry, accusative, and harsh. Threes, in an effort to move quickly, can easily overlook details that Ones deem crucial.
They are more mutable than ones, which means they also tend to make last minute changes based on circumstances, which not only infuriates Ones, but drives a spoke into the wheel of their opinion on Three’s trustability. On the flip side, Threes can start to view Ones as picky, judgmental, and bogged down by the details. Threes enjoy a fast pace, and want the freedom to reach their goals by any means necessary, which sometimes means breaking one of Ones precious rules, or worse, making a less than morally upstanding decision.
Ones find this kind of thinking abhorrent, and are usually not afraid to say so. That being said, neither Ones or Threes are forthcoming or straightforward with their feelings, tending instead to react, point fingers, and disengage. Fights, if there are any, will result in stalemates, never solutions, as neither party wants to take responsibility. If the pair needs one another for success, their connection will become perfunctory, but ice cold.
What Each Type Needs To Be Aware Of
When engaged in a project, Threes work better when they have dominion over their own aspect, however they might need reminders about how their segment relates to the larger whole. They are concerned with personal success more than anything else and tend not to care about who they run over in their quest for the top. For this reason, it is a good idea to make an effort to set clear parameters for success and to ensure that Three’s achievements are recognized.
Also, bear in mind that due to Three's misperceptions regarding how much of an effect they’ve had on the successful outcome of a project, Threes are hesitant to acknowledge others. Ones cannot tolerate being taken for granted—it does not suit their ethics—and so this pair must be vocal in their appreciations, and clear about who does what. It is also good to remember that both Threes and Ones are hypercritical, and while Threes may shine on the outside, they usually suffer from debilitating self-deprecation. These two can do a lot of damage to each other simply by being their usual selves, and thus should be extra aware of their delivery and how others perceive them.
How You Can Support One Another
Threes can support Ones by helping them ease the grip of their need for all the minutiae to be perfect, tone down their judgments with a little positivity and lightheartedness, and increase their flexibility by demonstrating resilience and optimism in the face of setbacks. Threes would also do well to slow their pace and focus a bit more on details, in an effort to satisfy One’s high standards. Additionally, as Threes are prone to cutting corners in an effort to achieve as much as possible, they would do well to pay attention to exactly which of One’s principles and details are sacrosanct.
Conversely, Ones can support Three by grounding them in the details of what they’re currently doing, as they have a tendency to rush, favoring quantity over quality. Ones will also be of most support for Threes in their adherence to a moral standard, which can be an area in which Threes tend to lax. Both types will benefit from committing to have some fun every once in a while and remember to enjoy the fruits of their labor.
In A Romantic Context
This pairing radiates self-confidence and pride in their talents. They strive to make each other proud by becoming someone the other can admire. They also enjoy showing each other off to friends and family, as both of these types take their appearance and impression very seriously. They enjoy planning and organizing their shared lives, and dividing up responsibilities based on competency. They likely have strong mutual respect for each other and naturally give each other their desired personal space. These two are likely very hardworking, accomplished, and competent, both together and as a team. They have a well-matched combination of idealism and positivity (Three) and practicality and precision (One).
Ones can help Threes to think more clearly and be more grounded, while Threes help Ones to shake off some of their more rigid tendencies and try new things. These two likely come together over issues that matter to them, most of them centering around how to have a positive impact on the world. When disagreements occur, they will likely be dealt with rationally, as neither type has very clear access to their feelings. Most of their tiffs will center around not spending enough time together (as both will likely be very committed to their work, social circles, and other projects), feeling disconnected emotionally, and a sense of being undercut by a sly competition. The lack of true intimacy between these two can erode the relationship over time.
And while Ones can start to see Threes as overly concerned with their image, unethical, or false in some way, Threes can see Ones as inflexible, narrow-minded, and serious. Furthermore, Threes thrive on praise, but stressed Ones become unable to acknowledge or offer words of encouragement, which leads Threes to put some distance between themselves and their partners. This can trigger Ones’ abandonment issues, as well as an onslaught of more anger and criticism. The pair, having lost respect for one another, may then break up. However, if the relationship serves a function for one or both people, they will likely remain together to ensure their continued professional success and personal status.