Enneagram Pairing Type 1 & 4
1 - The Moralist
Quality Control Specialist, Reformer, Perfectionist, Judge, Administrator, Rule Keeper, Crusader
4 - The Romantic Individualist
Individualist, Tragic-Romantic, Connoisseur, Humanitarian, Aesthetic Person, One-of-a-kind, Dramatic King or Queen
While Ones see the need for rules to govern procedures, Fours want special treatment. While Fours want to make a unique contribution, Ones are concerned about getting the job done properly. Ones are fueled by a desire for themselves and the world around them to be perfect, which can create a lot of remarkable positive growth, but it can also result in harsh judgment and inner criticism.
Fours, on the other hand, want to be recognized for their unique individuality. They tend to be emotionally attuned, deeply feeling, artistic, and drama-prone. Their melancholy enables them to perceive the depth of beauty in all things, but it can also be an obstacle to happiness and healthy relationships.
Ones and Fours have a strong mutual interest to bring something good, true and beautiful into the world. Both are idealistic and concerned with getting it right in their work and self-expressions. In one another, they value the other's intensity, sensitivity, idealism, and high standards. In general, they both are a stand for refinement, artistry, and excellence. They will likely also share an almost spiritual appreciation for beauty, a theme that gets relegated to a level of the transcendent, especially as the beauty approaches perfection.
How You Complement Each Other
Ones bring a desire for objectivity, truth, value, and reason. They offer self-discipline, good work habits, and regularity to the relationship. Ones are conscientious and will sublimate their personal needs for the greater good, including the shared vision and goals that they feel are at the core of the relationship itself.
This relationship can work well when the Fours act as the creative spark and the Ones carry out the implementation details. The structured and ordered setting Ones create can provide great constraints for Four’s creativity to operate within, so long as the rules aren't too rigid - otherwise the Fours will rebel.
Furthermore, Ones will serve as a valuable sounding board for Four’s creative visions, which can often be mired in self-doubt and criticism. Additionally, Ones can also serve to keep Fours tethered so that they don’t get totally lost in the sea of their ever-changing feelings. By contrast, Fours bring creativity, sensuality, intensity, spontaneity, inspiration, and the ability to tap into dreams, the unconscious, and other universal forces.
Their expressiveness and emotional force compliments Ones' focus on order and reason. Ones can appreciate Fours' emotional depth, uniqueness, idealism, creative flair, and empathy for others, while Fours can appreciate Ones' practicality, conscientiousness, convictions, continual improvement and attention to detail.
Both people will likely see great potential for their collaborations to manifest an ideal form of something, and both will be willing to strive for that thing to be transcendent and visionary. The shared love of beauty, refinement, and artistic expression coupled with their divergent strengths makes for a powerful, dynamic, and truly complementary pairing, especially when it comes to making the intangible world of vision tangible through practical action. Between these two, there can be a lot of support and admiration.
How You Can Get Into Trouble
Fours are very in tune with their emotional world, so they may find Ones emotionally distant. Ones should make an effort to be there for Fours during their emotional times, rather than cutting off and ignoring their feelings. Ones see Fours as being unreliable in both project work and supervision when the Fours succumb to their emotional highs and lows.
Ones see Fours as getting lost in moodiness, fluctuating feelings, and retreating to inaction from their disappointments rather than powering through these sentiments. This may make Ones feel both anxious and annoyed. As a result Fours may feel shamed or deficient and lash out at Ones for their lack of empathy.
Despite a lot of complementary perspectives and behavior patterns, the One/Four dynamic can quickly go south if they are unable to reconcile different points of view. Ones believe they are always being sensible and objective, yet Fours do not want to be held to that standard. Fours approach truth from a completely different, but equally valid angle of personal subjectivity.
While both are idealistic, they’re often idealistic about different things. Ones are idealistic about social causes, moral issues, and politics, whereas Fours are idealistic about matters pertaining to their individuality: their lifestyle, their role at work, and their intimate relationships.
Furthermore, Fours require a lot of time spent on processing feelings, emotional impressions, and perceived tensions. They want the relationship-whether personal or professional-to be hallmarked by vulnerability, depth, and quality connection. Ones, on the other hand, tend to avoid confronting their feelings, and often have such excellent defenses that they are able remain blissfully ignorant of their internal state, much to Four’s chagrin.
One will feel Four is wasting time on inconsequential banalities, while Four will feel One is lying to them about what’s in their heart (when in truth One simply doesn’t know), or they will feel their strengths are not being valued. This two would do well to lay some ground rules for how much personal engagement is permissible, if in a professional environment, but also endeavor to capitulate to one another a little, and thus loosen their contradictory rigidity around appropriate levels of relatedness.
What Each Type Needs To Be Aware Of
It’s good to be aware of one another’s sensitivities, as both Ones and Fours tend to be more susceptible to hurt feelings or misconceptions than other types. These two can be particularly sensitive to criticism, often hearing even minor feedback or well-meaning advice as an insult. Ones need to be aware of their tendency to mold others -- especially their romantic partners -- to their standards, as well as their occassionally impossibly high standards.
Fours should be aware of their tendency to pay attention to what is lacking and try to check their idealism from time to time. These two can appreciate each other for their shared love of beauty, refinement, and the arts. These two should also be careful not to try and compete for recognition; both Ones and Fours have unique strengths and perspectives to add without stepping on each other’s toes.
In relation to one another, Fours are great at drawing out Ones' feelings and passions, which they intuitively hold back. Ones help Fours actualize their dreams by supporting their creativity with structure and follow through. In contrast, Fours can learn from One's the art of self-restraint, where Fours naturally tendency is to self-indulge.
How You Can Support One Another
Ones can acknowledge Fours for their creativity, the depth of their feelings, their ability to attune to others, their idealism, and their empathy. Fours can acknowledge Ones for their ability to stay focused, even through boring tasks, their steadfast commitment and convictions, their practical mindset, and their attention to detail. Because of the dualistic, yet complementary nature of this pair, these two can potentially benefit a great deal from each other.
From Fours, Ones can learn the art of emotional expression and the importance of valuing subjective experience. From Ones, Fours can learn steadiness and self-regulation. Both people can use the idealistic versions of themselves that the other sees to cultivate genuine self-worth and confidence.
This relationship will be at its healthiest when Ones can express their emotions, appreciate positive qualities rather than criticize faults, and relax their rigid hold on what needs to happen. In turn, Fours can cultivate their self-restraint, practicality, and resiliency, especially in the face of emotional turbulence. They can take a page out of Ones’ book and try to see things more objectively. These two will do well to mind their words around one another, as both people are likely very sensitive to criticism.
In A Romantic Context
This can be an intense, charismatic pair, hallmarked by high-minded ideals, a love of beauty, and a desire to bring something good into the world. Ones will be attracted to Four's beauty, artistic flair, emotional depth, and mystery, while Fours will be attracted to One's steadiness, resilience, principles, and carefulness. To the relationship, Ones bring self-discipline and an ability to offer advice, wisdom, and know-how so that Fours can start to bring their myriad ideas into reality.
Fours bring a sense of emotional safety that Ones may find unnecessary or uncomfortable at first, however once trust and intimacy have been establish, both Ones and Fours will likely be surprised by how much Ones can open up in the right setting. Fours also bring an ability to tap into the unseen layers of reality, including dreams, universal energies, the unconscious, and the realms of the muses. The pair, when healthy, seem to possess everything required for impactful creative work: the vision, and the practical steps to bring it to fruition; the mystery, and the straightforward acknowledgement of how it's useful; the dreams, and the objectivity to align dreams to value.
These two can be a bit like oil and water, both in that when they come together, they seem to form a kind of yin-yang pair in the way they embody such opposite, but unified aspects of humanity. But their inability to mix can also lead to disruption and pain. Although both Ones and Fours are usually very aware of their inner workings, including their frustrations, longings, and impulses, they have diametrically opposing modes of dealing with them.
Indeed, they can find the way the other handles their inner reality abhorrent. In a few words, Fours tend toward self-indulgence while Ones veer in the ever more rigid direction of self-discipline. To a One, a Four can seem messy, unreasonable, hopelessly emotional, and cravenly extravagant.
On the flip side, Ones seem painfully repressed, self-righteous, cold, and insufferably unyielding. Both people can become just as self-pitying, depressed, critical, and intolerant as the other, which means that these two can mirror each other's worse traits to the other, further aggravating the tension and disgust building between them. Without clearing their emotional blocks and projections, or in the absence of forgiveness, this relationship will deteriorate into rancorous arguing and petty, embittered melodrama.