Enneagram Pairing Type 2 & 4
2 - The Nurturing Advisor
Helper, Giver, Caretaker Nurturer, Advisor, Altruist, Good Samaritan
4 - The Romantic Individualist
Individualist, Tragic-Romantic, Connoisseur, Humanitarian, Aesthetic Person, One-of-a-kind, Dramatic King or Queen
Twos and Fours are both in the Heart Center and need the attention and validation of others. Fours will withdraw for attention and validation in the hope that someone will come and discover them while Twos will work hard and give selflessly to others.
Also, where Twos want to be noticed for their giving attitude, Fours want to be seen for their uniqueness. Each type feels wounded when the world does not acknowledge and appreciate them.
Most notably, Twos and Fours share a deep appreciation of emotional vulnerability, albeit from opposite ends of the spectrum. Twos value others’ courage in sharing from a heart-centered place, and are often wonderful listeners and space-holders for people; Fours make great efforts always to admire anyone with the courage to do the same. Both value emotional intelligence.
How You Complement Each Other
This can be an incredibly symbiotic pair, with a lot of warmth and ease. Twos, naturally giving and sociable, satisfy the Fours need for emotional attunement and special attention. And Fours will often make the Twos feel valued and indispensible, the ultimate unconscious goal of the Two, for all the care and attention they shower upon the Four.
In the Two, the Four will have their uniqueness cherished, and in the Four the Two will know their emotional labor and unrelenting generosity does not go unnoticed. Both types, in health, will feel emotionally met, warm, and taken care of, with the Two stretching the Four to be more active and social in the world, and the Four encouraging the Two to dive deeper into their heart and make sure to ask the world for what they need.
How You Can Get Into Trouble
In unhealthy states, Fours can be an emotional and energetic drain on the relationship. If a Two is caught unawares, they might be sucked into the Four’s drama, and thus become beholden to the emotional turmoil of said Four.
In a time of emotional need, Fours can manipulate the situation to make sure they are receiving adequate attention and support, and a naïve Two makes easy prey for these often unconscious tendencies. Twos need to be aware that coming to the Four’s rescue is not always the best in the long term.
Twos feel wounded when their caring goes unnoticed. This can be particularly sticky in the Two-Four relationship, as the Four tends toward self-absorption. This tendency can leave the Two feeling ignored, devalued, and unappreciated, causing them to harbor resentment and eventually lash out in passive aggression.
The Four can then become judgmental of the Two for not setting clear boundaries or asking for what they need. This may create friction and lead to alienation. To help avoid conflicts, Fours need to ensure that they make it known that their moods are their issue and not a reflection of the Two’s performance or friendship; Twos need to remain aware of their tendency to care-take and ensure they are maintaining healthy boundaries, especially when the Four delves into murky, unprocessed emotional terrain.
What Each Type Needs To Be Aware Of
Twos and Fours invite easy conversation and camaraderie in the workplace. They are both warm, showing sincere affection and concern for others. Both enjoy sharing details about their personal lives and take a genuine interest in the lives of their colleagues.
Both types place a high premium on the emotional well being of others and will prioritize ensuring their workplace feels good for everyone present. Sometimes this kind of attunement can get them into trouble, especially in environments that do not share their heartfelt sentiments.
In relating to one another, Twos can come across as brown-nosing, as if they are using affection to garner appreciation (which unhealthy Twos often are), and this behavior will cause the Four to disrespect them. To a Two, Fours can seem overly dramatic or melancholy, without any tact or social graces-no ability to “read the room”-which can potentially drive a wedge into the relationship.
How You Can Support One Another
Twos, consummate helpers, will feel indispensable to the emotionally needy Four, even if in a subordinate role. Often, this loyalty and unconditional support can be quite grounding and beneficial to the Fours flourishing.
It is essential the Four feel they have their creative area of responsibility, whether in a business or personal relationship, and that the Two’s affection does not curtail their creativity. Fours can support the Two by insisting they get clear on what their own needs are in a given situation and leading by example when it comes to creative or emotional expression. Twos can encourage Fours to go out of their shell and engage with the world in a pleasant, uncomplicated manner.
In A Romantic Context
As both of these types come from the Heart center, emotionality and vulnerability can be easy-going and fluid, once trust is established. This bodes well for a romantic relationship, as there is potential for each type to have their emotional needs met. If there is an imbalance of power, however, the self-absorbed Four can take advantage of the boundaryless Two, thus dominating the relationship.
Physically both types are warm and affectionate; the inherent sensuality of the Four can inspire to Two to more in-depth exploration and enjoyment while the intuitive embodiment of the heartful Two will feel safe and welcoming to the wounded Four.