Enneagram Pairing Type 3 & 3

3 - The Successful Achiever

Superstar, Producer, Performer, Motivator, Role Model, Ideal Exemplar, Best in Show

3 - The Successful Achiever

Superstar, Producer, Performer, Motivator, Role Model, Ideal Exemplar, Best in Show


Core Pattern

The core pattern of the three is to achieve, achieve, achieve. Highly motivated, frequently highly successful, and sometimes competitive, Threes achieve whatever they put their mind to, often better than others in the field.

They have no problem working long hours while sacrificing their relationships and their health in pursuit of bettering themselves and their situation. The Three duo will feed off one another, and likely will be able to raise each other to greater heights of wealth, success, and excellence.

Shared Values

The shared values between any same-type pair are merely the values of the type itself. Threes value excellence, people who make the most of what they’ve got, working towards betterment and success, and working smart, not hard. They are wonderful self-promoters and take pride in all they’ve achieved.

They can also be quite sociable and tend to travel well in many different friend groups, with an ability to paint themselves in the light most befitting of each group. They value what is outstanding, admirable, and exceptional in others and themselves. They can be generous, and enjoy sharing the riches of their lives with their loved ones. They also value loyalty and dependability.

How You Complement Each Other

In a Three, another Three has found a potential life coach. As someone else who strives to attain the very best—out of themselves, their associates, and life generally—one Three can push another Three in a way that only Threes can. A Three duo is highly supportive, motivating, encouraging, and thrilled to be engaged in someone else’s success; especially someone who so obviously deserves it.

This pair can motivate each other to achieve things previously unthinkable—the sky is the limit—and once prompted, this duo is liable to slay all goals with finesse and pizzazz. It is good to keep in mind that you each need to stop and smell the roses every once in a while, or you will work yourselves into ill health. Use your natural love of quality to take in an excellent meal, beautiful locale, or an amazing piece of art every once in a while.

How You Can Get Into Trouble

This combination, if anything other than supportive and encouraging of one another, will quickly fall into competition and one-upmanship, which will deteriorate further into petty games, jealousy, and entirely possibly sabotage. Not only do Threes savor realizing their goals and achieving great success in their field, but they secretly want to be the best at what they do. If there is another Three who wants the same, the subtle and gross competition can become extreme.

Another potential trouble spot for this pair is the potential of overwork. Three alone often falls into the trap of workaholism, increasing the number of hours at the office and away from family and friends as they become increasingly more successful. When working together, this pair could virtually disappear from the rest of the world, swallowed by a tidal swell of work.

No Three likes to make too many sacrifices for others if it gets in the way of their success, so the Three-Three cohort might also get into trouble if one Three takes up too much space or asks for too much support. If one person in the relationship feels the other is growing and climbing to new heights while they are staying in the same place, there could be an argument, or worse.

What Each Type Needs To Be Aware Of

Most importantly, be mindful of how to best motivate, encourage, and reward the Three. Accolades, public acknowledgments, promotions, and congratulations go a long way in keeping the Three focused and striving for more. Criticism is not taken well, nor is the suggestion that there is no upward mobility.

If in a situation where two Threes occupy roles of different levels, it is imperative that the senior Three notice and rewards their subordinate Three’s performance. Any Three knows first hand how important these positive strokes are, and especially in a relationship between a Three and a Three, where things can become competitive or petty quickly, these affirmations go a long way in ensuring smooth sailing.

It is essential to be aware of the tendency to work too hard, at the detriment of mental and physical health, especially if the Three-Three relationship is a professional one. Keep an eye out for signs of stress or poor health, and encourage each other to rest and enjoy the fruits of your labor every so often. Also be aware that Threes are not very good at talking about their innermost feelings or concerns, as they are often ignored in the pursuit of success.

People viewing from the outside might be fully aware of the struggle going on in a Three’s inner world, while the Three trucks on, woefully oblivious and just as invested in their work as ever. In these cases, it is good to learn how to build a kind of relationship that allows the Three to open up and explore their inner world. If a Three can get good at achieving everything they’ve ever dreamed of externally, they can get good at self-awareness, too.

How You Can Support One Another

Threes thrive when they can be king of the castle, so to speak, even if only in some small way. For this reason, it is helpful to give Threes their area of control. In group projects, always encourage a group-win approach.

Threes can support one another, most notably, by being each other's most prominent supporters—because a Three knows best what a Three needs to feel indeed supported—and by motivating each other to strive, attain, and achieve to the best and highest of your abilities. In a professional relationship, it will be essential to get clear on your shared goals, task assignments, and project completion.

Threes like to engage in attainable goals and are good at breaking projects and activities down into precisely that. Also great to support one another by making sure your naturally competitive nature does not turn vindictive or harmful to the other: enjoy in each other’s productivity, awesomeness, and success without taking it personally or inferring your demise.

In A Romantic Context

Motivated, goal-oriented, independently successful, and totally into the idea of being with someone else as well-heeled as themselves, this relationship can glow with all the trappings of the proverbial power couple. It is easy to see why the Threes are attracted to one another, and when healthy, they indeed do make a profoundly powerful couple. They are encouraging, supportive, and find amazing ways to keep each other motivated and on track.

Threes have a blind spot when it comes to their inner world and personal feelings, however, and will be unlikely to understand what the problem is in their interpersonal relationships, let alone recognize when they’ve run into a problem. Romantically, this can mean that, while neither partner will falter professionally or personally, the lack of intimacy and depth distances them from each other and the bedroom (and heart connection) turns chilly.

Likewise, a Three will tend to get anxious and cuts ties when they feel they are spending too much time on a relationship that doesn’t result in greater success for themselves. Rather than admit they’ve failed, or don’t know what to do to repair the fissure; the image-oriented successful Three will maintain that nothing is wrong, further alienating and wounding their partner.

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Max Marmer

Max Marmer is a Multidimensional Entrepreneur, Investor, Writer, Coach, Biohacker and Systems Theorist dedicated to supporting and enabling the flourishing of humanity in the 21st century.


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