Enneagram Pairing Type 6 & 6
6 - The Loyal Guardian
Loyal Skeptic, Trooper, Trouble Shooter, Defender, Guardian, Questioner, Devil's Advocate
6 - The Loyal Guardian
Loyal Skeptic, Trooper, Trouble Shooter, Defender, Guardian, Questioner, Devil's Advocate
Sixes are the center of the Head Triad. As such, they experience a lot of doubt, fear, and anxiety. They often expect the worst and engage life with a healthy dose of skepticism.
They are mentally quick, dedicated, questioning, inquisitive, and wary. At their core, they fear everything is mere moments from falling apart completely, and so they always have an action plan. They are warm and hardworking because maintaining a strong social network and having enough resources are excellent ways to avoid disaster.
Like any double pairing, this relationship will mostly be forged on what these two shares and the depth of their sharing will be dependent on each person’s instinct and level of health. Generally, Sixes value authority, knowledge, science, and higher learning.
On a relational level, they value warmth, loyalty, and anything that engenders a feeling of safety, whether emotionally, psychologically, or physically. They are healthfully skeptical and genuinely enjoy inquiry, often playing the devil’s advocate to learn more about a subject. They are deferential and would do anything for those they love.
How You Complement Each Other
Two Sixes usually experience an unusually quick bond with one another. In the other, each person sees a kindred spirit, a sort of buddies-in-arms kind of friend. Intuitively they know, here is a person that will go to the ends of the earth for me, here is a person with whom I am safe.
Also, they are not wrong: Sixes are remarkably loyal to their friends and family. Couple that with the innate Six sense of humor, and these two will be peas in a pod in no time. Their relationship will be full of playful bantering and commiseration, but also a deep understanding. They will be able to empathize with each other’s more extreme fears and phobias and will know exactly what to say to reassure one another.
Sixes come to their friends' aides, no questions asked. Depending on whether these two are phobic or counterphobic, they might have differing views on how to deal with authority. If they are opposite, these divergent perspectives can serve to enhance their relationship and their personal development.
Phobic Sixes will tend to be more deferential, courteous, and submissive, while counterphobic Sixes are more confrontational and agitating. In the instance where these two are working together, or otherwise related, the strong bond they inherently have, coupled with their differing orientations to other’s, can serve to help them expand. Phobic Sixes can learn something about bravery and fearlessness from their counterphobic counterparts, while counterphobic have an opportunity to pause before reacting rebelliously, and possibly soften into a more easy-going stance.
How You Can Get Into Trouble
Although they are the center of the Head triad, and keenly analytical, Sixes can also be incredibly emotionally reactive. They tend to have higher than normal anxiety, which makes them susceptible to extreme reactions, impulsivity, and intensity. They also tend toward worst-case-scenario thinking, and always have a disaster escape plan.
Because of this, it’s possible for two Sixes to either feed into one another’s worries, stoking the fires of fear with each another’s anxious thoughts, or assume the worst about one another and severe ties due to distrust. Generally, these two will have a hard time talking to each other down when one or both are feeling fearful, and they will have a tendency to magnify each other’s problems. No matter the nature of their relationship, they can easily fall into doomsday scenarios, and will rarely have words of comfort to soothe the disquiet.
Additionally, because Sixes are reactive, but also relatively non-confrontational, it’s easy for them to ignore issues and feelings until it becomes too late, and everything explodes. They will have an easy time keeping their true feelings hidden for a while, but at some point, something will set them off, and the whole slew of past hurts and resentments will bubble out. In this way, Sixes hold grudges, and every slight against them is a reason for them to remain guarded and distrustful.
In a relationship with another Six, this tendency can either be heightened or assuaged, depending on the level of health and communication between the two people. Staying open with discussion, honest about fears and worries, and rooted in what is confirmed (as opposed to what is possible/fantasy) will be crucial for these two, no matter where they find themselves.
What Each Type Needs To Be Aware Of
Sixes are prone to all-or-nothing thinking, leadership styles, and engagement. As a result, they are usually either too rigid and high strung or too lax and nonchalant. It will be important for these two to learn how to maintain a healthy balance by not pushing themselves so hard they need to collapse to take rest.
Also, bear in mind that the Six tendency is to consider all of the “what ifs” before taking action can lead to massive procrastination (doesn’t help that Sixes tend to be perfectionists). Two Sixes together could potentially derail a project or idea entirely, exploring all of the potential pitfalls and problems.
Additionally, these two need to be hyper-aware of their tendency to overthink, catastrophize, and caretake the world. Sixes tend to take care of everyone around them except themselves-maintaining healthy relationships and proving yourself indispensable to the people around you is one of the ways they ensure a safe future-but this behavior can lead to resentment or feeling unappreciated. Additionally, they know that almost all Sixes suffer from crippling self-worth and self-doubt.
Despite their undeniable charm, talent, and capabilities, Sixes practically always feel like they should be doing more, or they don’t deserve the happiness or success they’ve come by. Of all the Enneatypes, Sixes are the most susceptible to imposter syndrome. They may require an above average amount of reassurance, acknowledgment, or encouragement to step out into the world. Also know that once a Six has let you into their heart, you’ve got a friend for life.
How You Can Support One Another
The most supportive thing these two can do for one another is to remind each other to take breaks to find balance, encourage each other for attributes that are not related to production or output, and learn the right words and lifehacks to calm someone with high anxiety. Because a Six understands the struggle of a work/life imbalance, and the constant torture of always worrying, there are few better people to support a Six than a Six. There will be a high degree of empathy, camaraderie, and understanding between these two, and the bond can serve to help one another avoid the usual traps of stress, overwork, and caretaking.
Acts of kindness go a very, very long way with Sixes, who almost always feel like no one cares for them (everyone is lying-they’re imposters, after all).
Additionally, some safe, playful adventures are excellent to break Six’s routines, especially if it involves questioning authority or mild risk-taking (this only applies to phobic Sixes; counterphobic Sixes will be masterful at this). Overall, Six wants to feel they are accepted and loved by their tribe, they want to feel valued, and they don’t want to doubt their bonds. Because every Six understands these needs on a very fundamental level, these two have a rare opportunity to help one another feel safe, secure, and at home in the world.
In A Romantic Context
This couple has the potential to share an almost unparalleled closeness. Sixes are sensitive, thoughtful, loyal, and know how to take care of their loved ones. Double Six relationships only enhance these qualities. Additionally, because Sixes understand the burden of fear, doubt, insecurity, and inner-criticism, these two will likely develop a supportive, nurturing bond that fosters feelings of safety, growth, and holiness. Once trust has been established between these two, they will be able to relax and enjoy themselves in each other’s presence in a way that they’re unable to with anyone else. With one another, they will be able to think out loud, airing out their doubts and concerns in a safe environment, constructing their theories and ideas with the help of a welcoming partner, and discover the depth of their feelings with a curious listener. Because Sixes are not adept at naming or talking about their feelings directly, their partnership with another Six-a welcoming, safe, secure person in their lives-can serve as a wonderful foundation for self-discovery. Both people may find they have more self-awareness and emotional intelligence as a result of their partnership. This can also be a very inspired couple, in that these two will do everything in their power to life each other up and offer support, as they both suffer from the same self-deprecating inner voice.
The hallmarks of this relationship are loyalty, trust, security, and an almost psychic level subtlety of empathy. If and when these two hit a rough patch, it will be because Sixes possess a high level of impulsivity and often react strongly to stressful situations without thinking. They are unlikely to consider the consequences of their words and actions if they feel pressured, backed into a corner, or judged. To relieve the tension, discomfort, or anxiety they feel, they will arbitrarily take action-any action.
Conversely, because Sixes sometimes have a problem identifying their feelings, or addressing conflict, this couple can run around in circles trying to find clarity without respite, eventually just settling on lackluster engagement; a stalemate of sorts. The combination of confusion, indecision, and emotional reactivity can lead to arguments, unwarranted blame, and stubbornness. These two can fall into a rut where they’re merely throwing blame back and forth, neither party taking responsibility or asserting a healthy boundary. Because of their inherent fear about the insecurity all around them, these two will do everything to stay connected, even if it means they’re living in a constant spiral of confusion, hesitancy, fault, and annoyance: anything is better than being alone in the frightening world. As tension increases between these two, so does the volume: they are prone to yell, outbursts, and passionate reconciliations, all of which serve to keep them bonded and wrapped up in one another. Things can become hysterical and edgy, but neither person wants to do anything about the extreme discomfort because they are afraid of what might happen if the relationship calms down, or a break occurs. If these two aren’t careful and don’t take the time to rationally discuss their relationship, their fear of the future will keep them together even though being together is wearing them down, which leads to a codependent, sour connection wherein neither person is getting their needs met.