Enneagram Pairing Type 7 & 7
7 - The Entertaining Optimist
Epicure, Visionary, Enthusiast, Jack-of-All-Trades, Adventurer, Innovator, Dilettante
7 - The Entertaining Optimist
Epicure, Visionary, Enthusiast, Jack-of-All-Trades, Adventurer, Innovator, Dilettante
Seven is part of the Head Triad, also called the Thinking Triad. Sevens are mental, bright, quick witted, gregarious, and resilient. They are typically very lively and possess a contagious optimism. They are spirited and adventurous, but can become flighty, escapist, gluttonous, and self-destructive.
As with any double type pairing, the values between two Sevens are understandably similar. Sevens value a good time, excitement, and fun.
They love trying new things and tend to “collect” experiences. They're always down for a party, spontaneous trip overseas, or outlandish social event. They prioritize positivity and novelty, and tend to be generous, enthusiastic, and charming. In others, they value intelligence, adventurousness, and optimism.
How You Complement Each Other
These two will have an obvious, almost palpable dynamism between them. The hallmarks of the connection are plain: high energy, frequent travel, cultural engagement, out of the box entertainment, spontaneity, and swimming in a sea of endless possibilities. In another Seven, the Seven has not only found an adventure buddy who can match their high level of energy and enthusiasm, but also someone who understands how to find the gold even in the darkest situations.
To one another, Sevens bring a sense of resilience and buoyancy: they can be the wind in each other's sails, full of encouragement and acknowledgement for one another. And while Sevens typically love socializing, and often have a full social calendar, they also deeply treasure their freedom.
To this relationship, both parties bring a noteworthy spirit of personal freedom and a respect for the freedom of the other. Neither one feels the need to weigh the other down with unnecessary rules or expectations. There can be a lot of exploration, creativity, and experimentation between these two, and they will often enjoy a wild, off-color silliness that is unique to them and their relationship.
How You Can Get Into Trouble
At their core, Sevens feel a terrifying sense of emptiness, which is why they engage life so voraciously: they are trying to fill the void. In healthy Sevens, this turns into a deep engagement with the world around them, but in lower level Sevens, it becomes gluttonous, escapist, and self-destructive. Sevens are prone to overindulgence and even addiction. Together, fueled by each other’s patterns, these two can spiral out of control in an attempt to flee their emotional pain or avoid feeling boredom. Sevens also struggle with commitment, always afraid they will miss out on something better down the road if they commit themselves to one thing today.
They eschew all limitations to their life. This can mean these two never actually have an opportunity to deepen their connection or strengthen their bond, as they are always wriggling out of commitments and backing away each time things start to become more serious.
Sevens are pain-avoidant and will do anything to get out of looking at their darker feelings.
They are masters of rationalization and are often very disconnected from their hearts. As a result, their connections are often based on intellectual engagement and shared passions, but rarely do they develop a sense of emotional closeness with others. This can cause problems with two Sevens because after a while if they have not done the work to develop a heart connection, there will be nothing keeping these two linked and their attachment to one another will fizzle out.
Impulsivity and entitlement are other aspects of the Seven shadow, and together these two might feel a greater than normal sense of entitlement, which is exacerbated by their combined impulsive behavior. At its root, Seven’s impulsivity is an effort to alleviate painful feelings in the moment with something instantly gratifying that the Seven believes they deserve.
These two can easily blow through their entire paychecks, overstay their welcome at the party, overindulge, or wind up on another continent together if they’re not careful. Additionally, as Sevens tend to have a wide array of interests and hobbies, with full calendars, if these two don’t have enough in common, they can lose their connection simply by the fact they’re too busy for one another.
What Each Type Needs To Be Aware Of
Sevens need to be aware of their tendency toward flightiness or gluttonous behavior engaged as a means of avoiding negative feelings or feelings of confinement. When Sevens are stressed, they become more demanding of the world around them, and will likely take out their frustration about not getting what they want in the moment on the people nearby. Sevens should also be aware that they tend to struggle with taking responsibility or owning up to their mistakes, even in situations where they were the catalyst of the mess.
This is one of the ways Seven’s defense mechanism of rationalization shows up. When working together on a project, or in a professional capacity, keep in mind that Seven has an amazing ability to brainstorm, innovate, and think outside the box, however, they struggle with follow through, and will typically want to move on to something new and exciting at the first obstacle.
For this reason, it is essential that Sevens receive clear guidelines, deadlines, and expectations, especially because Sevens tend to magnify expectations. Additionally, Sevens will also avoid making commitments to anything because they are terrified of missing out on the life waiting for them somewhere in the future. Also keep in mind that while Sevens may present as positive, upbeat, energetic characters, they can easily fall into the trap of performing their high-energy role, so to speak, effectively dissociating from their authentic feelings.
They put pressure on themselves to always been bright and smiling for other people, thus denying what’s genuinely in their hearts. Said another way, Sevens have a tendency to embody a Pollyanna type character, and it is sometimes very disingenuine. It is important for Seven to have relationships where they are not required to be sunny and high energy all the time so they can get in touch with their deeper feelings. One of Sevens greatest fears is that they will be shunned for displaying something other than bold-faced happiness and positivity.
How You Can Support One Another
These two will best support each other by being vocal cheerleaders for each other’s dreams and aspirations while holding each other’s feet to the fire and making sure tasks are accomplished (not just talked about). Almost nothing is as encouraging as the enthusiastic support of a Seven, especially for another Seven, because Sevens tend to suffer from a debilitating perfectionism and crippling self-doubt.
There will be a tendency in this pairing for one or both parties to feel entitled to the other person’s world, so it will be important for these two to stay in their respective lanes, so to speak, by not interrupting, offering unsolicited advice, or “suggesting” solutions: none of these things will feel like support to the receiver, even if the giver believes themselves to be supportive. For one another, Sevens can provide unparalleled support when it comes to brainstorming, problem-solving, innovating, or coming up with new ideas. These two will likely be excellent sounding boards for each other and will delight in exploring one another’s expansive, quick minds.
Sevens are excellent at seeing their way out of the dark, so these two can support one another by providing a light if the other falls on hard times, or by offering a fresh perspective in a tricky situation. That being said, Sevens can also use their sunny optimism as a way to escape or avoid feeling their darker emotions, so these two can support each other by offering a safe space for vulnerable emotional expression. It helps a Seven a lot if they know they will not be abandoned or rejected for having pain, that they are not required to be happy all the time, and that they are allowed to express their genuine feelings.
In A Romantic Context
These two usually have very active social lives, both together and apart, and they value their independence as much as they value each other. This can breed a lot of respect and autonomy, but between their hobbies, work commitments, spontaneous pursuits it can be hard for these two actually to find time to have a relationship. Between that and Seven’s commitment phobia, no matter how much these two like each other, it can be challenging even to get their relationship off the ground.
Neither wants to step into something too quickly or be tied down, and neither party possesses the emotional skills to deepen their bond beyond the superficial attraction and fun-loving event hopping.
Sevens are consummate believers in “the grass is always greener” and usually fall victim to option paralysis, where they are so inundated with possibilities they become unable to make a choice. Relationships are no exception.
If these two do find themselves in a committed partnership, however, the relationship will be thoughtful and sensitive, and full of generosity and idealism. When these two are psychologically healthy, balanced, and have their lives together, this relationship will positively beam with joy, abundance, and gratitude.
Everyone will notice an almost tangible exuberance exuding from these two, who love to share their happiness with others. The hallmark of this relationship is a positive, upbeat outlook, ample travel, and a real sense of saying yes to life together.
Trouble for these two arises when, on an unconscious level, a kind of pact is made, wherein both parties agree never to bring up problems or deal with underlying painful feelings. These two can be in cahoots about denying, avoiding, and repressing their hurt, which only allows it to grow and fester under the surface.
In this situation, one or both people start to feel that something is missing from the relationship—a level of depth, emotionality, or vulnerability—but will likely not be able to name what they’re feeling. A pervasive sense of lack permeates the connection, and the Sevens become impetuous and excessive to fill the void. On a deep level, these two can become profoundly disillusioned or disappointed in their partner, both because they are vaguely aware of the missing intimacy in the relationship, but also because the other has not lived up to their high expectations.
Typically, Sevens believe their perfect mate is out there, and when the person standing in front of them fails to live up to the ideal, Seven will spiral into frustration and cynicism. Restless, unsatisfied, distracted, and desperate for any solution that will allow them to avoid acknowledging their pain just a little longer, these two will start to seek validation and gratification elsewhere, whether it’s by pouring themselves into their work, flirting with new people, taking a spontaneous trip, or simply dissociating into a virtual world.
Furthermore, because lower level Sevens tend to have a bit of a Peter Pan complex, where they refuse to grow up and settle down, these two can lack the necessary internal resources to weather the storm and recommit to their relationship. The discomfort and negative coping can be enough to send them reeling, and the chasm can become too great to repair.