Enneagram Pairing Type 9 & 9

9 - The Peaceful Mediator

Mediator, Peacekeeper, Diplomat, Pleasant Person, Modest Person, Humble Person, Pacifist

9 - The Peaceful Mediator

Mediator, Peacekeeper, Diplomat, Pleasant Person, Modest Person, Humble Person, Pacifist


Core Pattern

At their essence, Nines want to follow the path of least resistance. They are consummate mediators, with an uncanny ability to see all sides of a situation. They long to merge with the other, especially in partnership, and can often lose sight of their own true north, especially when relating to someone with stronger, clearer desires.

Shared Values

Nines value peace, both inner and outer, harmony, and easy-going love. They value connection, acceptance, steadiness, and pleasing those they love. They also value people who can go with the flow, and tend to avoid rocking the boat.

How You Complement Each Other

The Nine-Nine pair gets along famously. Together, flowing through life is an uncomplicated matter filled with grace and ease as they create a beautiful harmony between relaxation and adventure. Due to their magnanimous nature, they are able to exude a mellow, open, positive, and patient tone within their love and professional lives. Professionally, this makes the pair great teammates that are easily coachable and do not let the minor irritations of life or work affect them. By assuming this easy going persona, it allows them both to be more productive and relatable. These two can make the best of any situation and turn even the most negative of situations into a manageable experience. All the while they make sure to forgive easily and strive to be in integrity with their beliefs without conflict or drama.

How You Can Get Into Trouble

Due to the easy going nature of Nine's, neither will want to or know how to take the lead. This can lead to to complications, especially in personal relationships. Their inability to take lead with decisions along with their notorious ability to be unaware of what they truly want can result in stagnation and stalemates within the relationship. Nines can also get restless and because they have trouble identifying their personal needs, they rarely acknowledge their true feelings and therefore fail to advocate for themselves in a constructive way. On top of this, Nines are often unaware of the tools they may possess to help them communicate when they are not feeling supported, safe, and taken care of. The combination of this may lead to passive aggressive, victim-hood, and martyrdom behaviors that could then translate into states of reaction and short sightedness of events.

Acknowledgement of their true feelings may be hard to see through the fog of stories attached to their reactions and behaviors. The repetition of the same routine can add to the problem as it allows them to get complacent which distracts them from their real passions and allows their attention to be drawn towards other connections like social media. Communication suffers as a result and they can easily slip into behaviors of blaming, shaming, and alienation of the other person. If these circumstances arise, it is a good indication and opportunity to look within and take self inventory/responsibility of any crossed boundaries, hurt feelings, or unmet needs.

What Each Type Needs To Be Aware Of

Nines struggle with knowing and asserting their own needs and boundaries, more than any other type. This can lead to a lot of conflict down the line, as they will rarely speak up in the moment, choosing (unconsciously) to bottle up their feelings instead. Eventually, the bottle will break and months or even years of past grievances will come to light. Nines need to be aware of this tendency, and make every effort to voice your concerns, hurts, and needs in the moment, especially if dealing with another Nine. Generally, Nines thrive in creative environments where they can vision and dream. Clear directions, timelines, and procedures are essential components in the creative process and without them a Nines attention may stray. If you are a Nine and do not have clarity around a project, do not be afraid to ask for what you need to do your best work. Also, be aware of the tendency to space out or detach from the world—Nines will go numb and fall into a pattern distracting themselves, especially when conflict or confrontation is imminent.

How You Can Support One Another

In professional environments, Nines can support one another by articulating detailed instructions (if applicable), clear expectations, and personal goals. It is easy for a Nine to get lost in the dreams and fantasies of those around them, so it is important they have regular check ins about their own goals and desires. There is usually ample opportunity for regular progress check ins where feedback is given. This is imperative for the Nine's development as the Nine will not come forward with their concerns or ideas unless explicitly asked. In personal or romantic relationships, make sure you're asking each other specific questions to ensure both parties are getting their needs and desires met.

Try your best to name your boundaries and let each other know in real time when problems arise. This is a crucial element because your tendency is to avoid conflict for so long it eventually explodes in intensely painful ways. Use your natural ease and accepting nature to support one another to be open and honest in all your dealings, not just when there’s conflict. Then you can really learn how to pay attention to your own inner world and take responsibility for getting what you want. Remind each other you’re allowed to want different things, and you’re allowed to ask for what you need. Both can exist in harmony.

In A Romantic Context

Nines are a genuinely loving couple with a shared sense of passion, desire for closeness, and sense of adventure. In these two, there can be true intimacy as Nines are compelled to merge completely with the other. There is an almost magnetic attraction here and over time these two will begin to take on the traits of the other, so much so, it might become hard to tell them apart (at least, their mannerisms). The danger here is loss of self (always a danger for Nines in romantic relationships) and also loss of tribe or outside relationships. These two can become so enmeshed, the rest of the world ceases to exist. This wouldn’t be an issue, but in times of trouble, they need outside reflection or support to help them move through the conflict. This pair can get so lost in each other and their gushy closeness that when they finally come up for air (or if they find themselves in a rough patch) they realize they’ve let go of all other attachments.

They can run into trouble when their characteristic conflict-avoidant nature results in an inner deadening: the heat of true connection, fueled by the occasional row or fiery accusation, struggles to kindle between these two. But instead of saying anything, the Nine will withdraw in anger, resulting in a gradual unaddressed disappearance from each other’s lives. Furthermore, this couple can feel a bit at a loss with one another as each Nine will want the other to take the lead and assert themselves. When neither of them does, they can sink into a sense of isolation and confusion, which will also result in passive aggressively withdrawing from the relationship. With these two, it is important that each Nine makes every effort to identify and ask for what they want, address hurt feelings or other conflict as they arise, and maintain habits and hobbies outside of the relationship.

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TrueSelf Blog


Max Marmer

Max Marmer is a Multidimensional Entrepreneur, Investor, Writer, Coach, Biohacker and Systems Theorist dedicated to supporting and enabling the flourishing of humanity in the 21st century.


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