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Conflict-Avoidance to Self-Discovery: One Type 9's Journey

In the quiet corners of our lives, battles often unfold without fanfare. Meet Corey, a client of mine caught between the weight of what's expected and his own need for peace. If you're an Enneagram Type 9, you might just see yourself in his shoes. Corey's journey sheds light on the power of setting boundaries – a lesson that holds a special resonance for all Type 9s.

Enneagram Type 9

The Silent Struggle: Navigating Family Expectations

Corey confided in me in one of our sessions.

The weight of an upcoming family event pressed on him. His parents' vow renewal.

For many, it'd be joyous, but Corey just felt a pit in his stomach.

His family had strong, unyielding opinions. Everytime he was around them, Corey felt the urge to smooth ruffled feathers, to nod along even when his heart disagreed.

That tension always lingered in the air.

Feeling isolated and uncertain

Cheyenne, his wife, often felt the brunt of his family's judgment, and he knew she was frustrated he didn’t stand up to them.

While Corey internalized his feelings, she struggled with being openly critical.

As much as Corey hated confrontations, seeing Cheyenne caught in the crossfire was even worse.

Decoding the Patterns of The Pleasant Peaceseeker

“Did you ever notice,” I began, picking my words carefully, “that sometimes avoiding the storm can pull you right into its path?”

He looked up, puzzled. “What do you mean?”

I leaned forward, “Your instinct to keep the peace with your parents is noble. But it's also causing ripples in your relationship with Cheyenne.”

In our sessions, we explored the tendencies of Enneagram Type 9s. It wasn't an excuse but an explanation, a map to understand the roads he often took, and which ones he might take instead.

He considered having Cheyenne sit this one out. When he ran the idea past her, she lit up. He was relieved.

But now came the hard part: telling his folks she wasn’t coming.

He proposed telling them that they couldn’t find someone to watch the cat.

But I posed a question: "Is this really about the cat? Or maybe you are avoiding the feeling of letting someone down?”

His eyes widened, a realization forming. "It's always been about upsetting other people, hasn't it?”

Balance through Boundary-Setting

"You can set a boundary without stirring up a storm,” I said.

"It’s important and healthy, even if it makes others uncomfortable or disappoints them.

“You don't have to offer explanations or get into arguments. You're allowed to decide for yourself what's best.

“You're just letting them know, Corey, not asking for permission.”

This was a turning point for Corey.

From Self-Definition to Unexpected Liberation

Together, we pieced together a simpler, healthier, but still considerate approach.

He realized that he could set his own boundaries, even if it might upset others.

He saw that taking care of himself, and by extension his marriage, didn't make him selfish or inconsiderate.

As the day of the celebration approached, Corey told his parents that Cheyenne wouldn't be coming.

Better than he could have hoped

He kept it simple.

There was no elaborate explanation, no persuasion.

And to his surprise, they didn't argue with him.

At the celebration, when people asked about Cheyenne, Corey simply said, "We thought it was best for me to come alone."

No further explanations…and the world didn't crumble.

Rediscovering Harmony: Inner and Outer Peace

Coming home, seeing Cheyenne's appreciative smile, Corey felt a different kind of peace. One that wasn't imposed but felt deep within.

Reflecting on our sessions, he realized Corey’s journey wasn't just about managing conflict. It was about finding harmony within himself. And on that journey, I was honored to guide him, one step at a time.

Isn't Corey's story something?

I bet many of you feel like you've walked in his shoes.

Have you ever felt like you're constantly tiptoeing around others? Or wondered why you're trying so hard to keep everyone else happy?

In a world where pleasing others and avoiding conflict can often feel like the norm, Corey's story offers a refreshing perspective on the value of self-reflection, honesty, and assertiveness.

Whether you're navigating family dynamics, relationships, or personal growth, his story invites us to consider how unexpected liberation might be waiting just a step outside our comfort zone.

Perhaps Corey's journey can be a catalyst for your own transformative exploration, leading you to a life where you are more at peace with yourself.

Are You Ready to Discover Your TrueSelf?

As an Emotional Intelligence coach, it's stories like Corey's that make me passionate about what I do.

I love helping people, especially folks like you, to dig deep into those feelings and thoughts that sometimes feel like tangled yarn balls.

Ever questioned why certain situations drain you or why you avoid conflicts?

Together, we'll unravel those knots, helping you to understand the heart of what's holding you back.

This is not just about exploring the struggles.

What We'll Do Together

Together, we'll celebrate the unique beauty of your personality.

More than that, by tuning into the frustrations, the discontent, the moments you feel lost, we'll illuminate the roadblocks.

Then with a blend of warmth, care, and some pretty cool tools, we'll chart a path that aligns with the real you - your TrueSelf.

So, have you ever imagined a life where you're more at peace with yourself?

Ready to discover and embrace that fantastic person inside of you?

Let's chat in an complimentary "Unlock Your TrueSelf Breakthrough Call."

Todd Payne, Coach

We'll journey together, understanding your unique personality, pinpointing what's been weighing you down, and crafting a plan that'll light up your path.

Ready to explore what makes you, well, you?

Let's make some magic together in your life.

I'm genuinely excited to see where our conversation takes us.



Discover your True Self

Reveal your hidden gifts and untapped potential. Open your mind to your real-life purpose and secret talents. Release unseen blocks to the hidden abundant life you deserve.

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